IN CONVERSATION WITH ELLIS HOWARD

interview by JANA LETONJA

Actor and writer Ellis Howard will be starring in BBC’s highly anticipated television adaptation of Paris Lees’ critically acclaimed memoir ‘What It Feels Like for a Girl’, premiering this June. 

‘What It Feels Like for a Girl’ is a hugely anticipated adaptation. What was your first reaction when you read the script?

I read the script during the audition process and thought “I cannot believe the BBC is making this”, and “I have to be involved – somehow, anyhow”. It felt radical. The extremity of the book — its rawness, its humour, its fury — had somehow made it onto the page of a prime-time TV script. This isn’t polite TV. It’s anarchic, honest, deeply working-class, deeply queer. I could feel how rare it was, and I was desperate to be a part of it. 

Byron is such a layered and complex character. How did you prepare to step into his world?

I read the book repeatedly, listened to Paris’ audiobook to absorb the rhythms of her voice, and spoke with her in detail about the period of her life the series explores. But there comes a point in the process where you stop researching and start claiming the part. What Paris has done with this story is so brutally honest that, as an actor, you have to match that honesty. There’s no faking it. It demands you show up fully, with all the chaos and courage you’ve got. You let your own queerness, your own politics, your own relationship to class and desire bleed into the performance. I think, something I’d like to add is, I felt incredibly safe. Brian Welsh, our director, made me feel like I could risk, and fail big, that I could go for it. Tigger Blaize, our intimacy co-ordinator, created an environment where all intimacy felt nuanced and important markers of Byron’s emotional journey, and our crew, led by Jo Lea, made the set feel like it was a space you could have fun in. I think all of your preparation only works if you have collaborators that let you loose and pick you up again when you fail. 

Paris Lees mentioned seeing something special in you. How did it feel to be handpicked by her for such a personal story?

It felt amazing. I was so grateful that she trusted me with telling a part of her incredible story, one that’s not only deeply personal but also historic. Then the fear kicked in. I thought  how the hell am I going to do this. A big part of the process was pushing through that fear and learning how to hold the responsibility with joy, not pressure.

The show tackles gender, belonging, trauma, and yet it's hilarious. How did you strike that emotional balance?

That’s Byron’s magic. They’re defiant, subversive, wickedly funny, and they have to be. That kind of humour isn’t despite the trauma, it’s a survival mechanism. When you’ve overdosed on a lot of life's troubles at sixteen, you’re resilient to almost a mythic level. When I was working through scenes, I’d often ask “What’s the obvious way to play this?” Then I’d try to flip it. What’s the Byron way? Because for them, even in the darkest moments, there’s style, sarcasm, wit, and that’s where the soul of Bryon lives, I think. 

How important is it to tell working-class queer stories like Byron’s right now?

Vital. This is a dirt-under-the-fingernails drama with scale, cinema and insane fashion and music. It shows working-class lives, not as victims or statistics, but as full, messy, gorgeous human beings. And for trans and queer kids, especially right now? It’s life-saving to see your stories told with love, humour, and defiance. This series doesn’t tidy people up to make them palatable, it lets them take up space. No working class Queer experience is the same, our stories are not a monolith, this is a personal story about one person’s experience but I hope in telling the truth of one person, something universal emerges. 

What do you hope young viewers — especially those navigating identity — take from Byron’s journey?

That there is a place for them. That you can find your people, your fallen divas, and build something beautiful. And that it’s OK to be complicated. Queerness doesn’t have to be tidy to be valid. It can be wild and strange and painful and euphoric. Also, I don’t think there is an age restriction on authenticity. I feel like I had my own Queer renaissance during filming. I felt seen and loved in a way I just hadn’t before, and that happened in my late 20s, which I am aware is still young. But needless to say, I am only slowly figuring out who I am and I get to do that because I have an incredible community around me. 

This is a defining lead role. Has it changed how you think about your work?

Playing someone as unapologetic as Byron gave me permission to be more unapologetic in my own life. I want to be more ambitious, I want to take up more space and I want to be fearless. I feel like as a working-class, Queer artist, you’re taught your stories aren’t built for the mainstream, but I don’t think that’s true. It’s made me feel like my lens, my sensibility and my voice as an actor is important and it’s made me take my own work more seriously. Also, this show is a passion project for so many of us. I think the reason it works, if it does, is because we all gave a part of ourselves away in the process. I don’t want to coast, I want to be around people who care deeply about what they’re making. I want to be in rooms where we’re saying something, even if it scares us.

If you could bring back one Y2K trend from the show, what would it be?

Honestly? Low-rise anything. Low-rise jeans, low-rise skirts, low-rise morals.

What are you passionate about outside of acting?

I’m incredibly politically engaged. I’m a co-founder of Step Up for Scousers,with my mum, my aunt and my nan, which is about fighting food insecurity in Liverpool and making sure our communities don’t get left behind. I believe storytelling and activism are two sides of the same coin, both are about making people feel seen and less alone.

After ‘What It Feels Like for a Girl’, what’s next for you?

There are a few things bubbling, some I’m writing, some I’m reading for, but nothing completely concrete just yet. 

CREDITS:

photography DAVID REISS
styling MICHAEL MILLER
groomer SANDRA HAHNEL