WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM CARRIE BRADSHAW'S MOST UNHINGED CHOICES?

editor ELIANA CASA

We all know Carrie Bradshaw wouldn’t survive a single day in Amsterdam — not because of the food or the weather, but because the Dutch dating scene would destroy her ego faster than Pete, Aidan’s dog destroyed her Manolo Blahniks in season 4. 

Whether you love or hate her, we’ve all been her at some point in our lives. She’s been our loyal friend after all, even after the 10th rewatch, and regardless of all the possibly toxic things she, and her friends, have ever said. We’ve all made some debatable dating choices — like chasing an unavailable man as if it’s an Olympic sport, or giving up on the most perfect guy just because we’re after a thrill. What does that even mean in the end? I’m 26 years old and I’m still wondering.

all images via pinterest.com

In a society where women are supposed to marry and have kids by 30, and have a full career by 40, Carrie showed us that life, apparently, starts at 32: hot, sexy, free from any commitment, and with the funniest (and wisest) group of friends by your side. Friends are all we’re left with in the end… but what about all those lost cases we have to go through before realising we’re better off without them? Carrie surely didn’t learn the lesson right away, nor does she seem to understand the meaning of ‘mixed signals’. Relatably enough, every time she sees a red flag, she crashes straight into it. 

You’ve surely seen the TikTok edits of her scariest moments with horror music added in the background — like when she suddenly shows up at Mr Big’s doorstep with a pizza after being broken up with, just because she was lonely; or when she starts yapping to a complete hot stranger she’s just met, trying (and failing) to flirt. The scene where she smashes a burger against the wall of Big’s flat after hearing he’s moving to Paris? That definitely goes on the list of ‘things not to do when your avoidant boyfriend tells you he’s moving out of the country for work’. Many other moments define her most unhinged choices – but one question remains: what should we learn from them?

It goes without saying that Mr Big is definitely not a saint. Some of us had the luxury of having one, or, as in my experience, have collected many more “John James Preston cases” over the years. The omens were clear from the very first season. She meets him right after hooking up with her ‘friend with benefits’ to prove to her readers that women can have sex without feelings, just like men. The same Carrie then tries to date said guy to show everyone you can actually turn your ‘friend with benefits’ into a love story. Carrie… my girl, are you okay? Even from the first episodes, we learn one big lesson: women don’t have to act like men to prove something, let alone date or have sex like them. Sometimes, just liking men already feels like a burden we have to live with. 

I’ve lost count of how many times she went back to Mr Big, but according to my internet sources, it says ‘from four to five times’ – as if once wasn’t enough. We are all stubborn in our own ways, but the way Carrie goes after this man for six seasons is quite concerning. One of my favourites is definitely when she shows up at Sunday church service with Miranda, trying to secretly stalk him and his mother, only to draw attention to herself the second she has a chance. Or when she calls him at 5 a.m., screaming how much she doesn’t need him, when clearly, she does. And just like that, she gives us lesson number two: know when to leave and recognise your own value. Stop making ‘men’ your obsession, and the only subject of your conversations – as Miranda pointed out many episodes ago – and start asking yourself: who am I without my partner? What do I like? What don’t I like? But definitely don’t ask your ex why he didn’t choose you over a 20-something lovely girl, while ‘casually’ showing up to their wedding. We love the reference to The Way We Were, and yes, we’ve all sung Barbra Streisand after a breakup… or am I the only one out here?!

Carrie and her many attachment issues taught us something precious — or, as I’ll call it, lesson number three: stop obsessing over your date and just go with the flow. Do we remember when she started looking for proof that a guy she was dating was some sort of creep, while fiercely proving she was actually behaving like one? Now, with that in mind, checking your partner’s phone in case of a suspicion or a gut feeling does not fall under ‘cringe’ or ‘creep’, and in this room, we second that.

Talking about trust issues… Aidan is probably still recovering. He appeared like the guy you’d want to marry in Las Vegas a week after meeting him. He is the OG love-bomber, and Carrie, like many of us, fell for it – which brings us to lesson number four: just because he’s perfect on paper doesn’t mean he matches your freak. And again, don’t show up at a man’s window after breaking up with him, in the middle of the night, begging him to get back together. That’s not only concerning but also pitiful. 

I do wonder if Carrie should’ve prioritised self-pleasure a bit more, following Samantha and Charlotte’s examples — perhaps we wouldn’t have two movies and a sequel. But then we wouldn’t be here, so thank you, Carrie, for not masturbating enough and being delusional enough to chase yet another man.

Lesson number five: work on your rage issues and don’t take your frustration out on your ex’s best friends — even if he breaks up with you via a post-it. It’s even worse when his name is Burger, and he’s a wannabe, insecure writer jealous of your success. In this case, indifference is the deadliest weapon. 

Carrie’s column should definitely be a guide on how to be a ‘pick-me girl' — she has excelled at this, not just with her dates, but with her friends too. Lesson number six: remember, you are your own person. Just be a grown-up and start saving money; we definitely don’t want to put friends in awkward positions by asking for a loan when it’s not offered to us. That said, yes to continuing to invest in yourself, especially in shoes and clothes—vintage preferably!

“I fear I’m getting to this stage of my dating life,” is what I sent to my best friend a few weeks ago, referring to a scene in season 5 when Carrie literally harasses Mr Big in San Francisco to get laid. Lesson number seven: never act desperate with your ex; there’s always another door waiting for you. 

But my favourite of all… lesson number eight: don’t you dare move to another country for your partner and completely adjust your life to theirs, like you’re some sort of childhood teddy bear they packed in their suitcase. Even worse, if you do it for a self-pretentious Russian artist. Bonus lesson: don’t date people in creative industries, stick to a lawyer or dentist, they’re much more useful indeed. In the end, Carrie (Katie) did marry her Hubbell (Mr Big), and that’s the last lesson to learn from this chaos of relationships: always follow your heart, even when it’s crazy, and even when no one told you to do it.

After all, she is me; she was you, or you’ll inevitably become her once you finally catch up on Sex and the City (yes, apparently some people still haven’t). And if she taught us anything, it’s this:  in a world full of disappointing dates, be as free as Samantha, as hopeful as Charlotte, as grounded as Miranda, and as gloriously chaotic as Carrie — but above all, always put yourself first.