words by TIANA DE HASETH
In 2020, I was diagnosed with contact dermatitis after suffering from infected eczema for four months. It was easy: the doctor gave me a steroid cream, and those four months of hell stopped overnight like magic. But after digging around on the internet, I seemed to have found a wellness and beauty community that swore my skincare and beauty products were the cause of my skin allergies. And so, my clean girl journey began.
image via PINTEREST
Finding the non-toxic and clean girl community in my mid-20s felt like an ode to adulthood. I believed it was time to be mature, healthy and have control over my life. I wasn’t interested in partying anymore because I believed it wasn’t good for me. Everything revolved around my health, beauty, skincare, and wellness routines.
That’s when I learned the term “non-toxic.” Being a clean girl meant waking up early, wearing minimal makeup and curating a clean lineup of beauty products, ranging from Dr. Hauschka and Salt & Stone to Monastery. I started getting rid of everything — and I mean EVERYTHING. Household cleaning products, candles, skincare, clothing, makeup, fragrance, and even toothpaste. I feared junk food, alcohol, fluoride, plastic, and polyester.
Goop and Poosh were my go-to sources for beauty and wellness advice. Just like Kourtney, I stopped eating gluten, too. I thought it was connected to my eczema. Ultimately, I thought everything was connected to my eczema. It wasn’t just my skincare and beauty products; it was everything in my house, my closet, my bathroom, and my kitchen.
I started isolating myself. No more parties, no more eating out, no more shopping. The things that brought me pleasure, I started to question. Life became all about cooking from scratch, prioritising whole foods, going to Pilates, practicing yoga, and working every day so I could afford organic groceries and clean beauty products.
I was living in fear, but somehow I was determined. That was until I became obsessed, overwhelmed, and isolated. I started missing out on things that comforted me: quality time with friends, burgers, fries, Chinese take-out, cocktails, cigarettes, makeup brands and even the scents of perfumes I had always loved.
Today, I look back and think about how I fell for fear-based wellness propaganda and how a journey of wellness became a journey of control. I genuinely wanted to take care myself but started worrying about everything around me that could potentially harm me.
And now I’m living a well-balanced life — or at least, my version of it. Some of my cosmetics are clean; some aren't. Some days I drink organic celery juice; others days I treat myself with a vegan cheese burger and fries. I prioritise natural fabrics, but if I really love a piece of clothing made from plastic, so be it. I mean, I still care about what I put in my body but my life no longer revolves around it.
My mother, meanwhile, has spent her life without scrutinising every single thing she consumes. She's doing just fine, too.
The point is, I didn’t die. Not yet, at least. But I did learn a lot about health, ingredients, routines, toxins, pollution, discipline — and, eventually, the importance of balance. I learned that living a healthy life also means enjoying it to the fullest, without having to limit or monitor everything every second.
I think Kourtney Kardashian, the queen of the clean girl aesthetic, put it quite well.
“Health and wellness should feel good, not stressful. It’s about balance. I love eating healthy, moving my body, and trying new things like infrared saunas or lymphatic drainage, but I also love gluten free pizza nights”
