IN CONVERSATION WITH MARGARITA NAZARENKO

interview by JANA LETONJA

Entrepreneur, lifestyle creator, and host of the hugely successful Being Her podcast, Margarita Nazarenko has built a devoted global audience by helping women cultivate confidence, self-worth, and emotional resilience. Now, she is bringing her message to readers with her debut book, Unbothered: The Art of Letting Go to Find Yourself, releasing in the US on 1st September. Already earning praise following its Australian release, the psychology-based guide challenges traditional ideas around relationships and personal growth, encouraging women to view emotional detachment not as coldness, but as a pathway to peace, self-respect, and authenticity. Through practical insights on identity, nervous system regulation, and self-worth, Margarita offers a fresh perspective on letting go of what no longer serves us, and stepping fully into who we are meant to be.

photography by JESSICA ABRAHAM

What inspired you to write Unbothered: The Art of Letting Go to Find Yourself, and why did now feel like the right time to share this message in book form?

I wrote Unbothered: The Art of Letting Go to Find Yourself because I can relate to the women I kept seeing - intelligent, capable women who lose enormous amounts of energy trying to control things that were never truly within their control, like another person’s feelings, the future of a relationship, how they were perceived, whether someone would choose them, etc.

So much of my own life changed when I stopped asking, “How do I make this work?” and began asking, “What is this costing me?” And “is this something I even want?” Online, I could introduce women to detachment in a short video or podcast episode, but a book gave me the space to take them through the deeper process. Letting go is not one decision. It involves identity, self-worth, emotional patterns and the nervous system. This felt like the right time because women are exhausted. They do not need more advice about how to become more pleasing, productive or desirable. They need permission to stop abandoning themselves.

The title itself is powerful. What does being “unbothered” truly mean to you?

Being unbothered does not mean that nothing affects you. It means that not everything gets access to you. It is the ability to feel disappointed, rejected or uncertain without allowing that experience to determine your worth or dictate your behavior. You pause before reacting. You stop chasing clarity from people who benefit from keeping you confused. You recognize what belongs to you and what does not. To me, being unbothered is emotional self-possession. You can care deeply without losing yourself. You can love someone without making them the center of your identity. You can be affected by life without being governed by every passing emotion.

Many people associate emotional detachment with becoming cold or disconnected. How do you redefine that concept in the book?

Healthy detachment is not disconnection from your emotions. It is disconnection from the belief that you must control an outcome in order to be okay. Or still control others to be okay. You see your value through the lens of other people. Coldness says, “I do not care.” Detachment says, “I care, but I will not abandon myself over this.” Amanda, a character in the book, is there to illustrate that difference.

Being unbothered allows you to remain loving without over functioning, supportive without rescuing and emotionally available without taking responsibility for another adult’s behaviour. In fact, I believe detachment can make our relationships more honest because we stop trying to manipulate outcomes through pleasing, chasing, managing, or suppressing our needs. You are not withdrawing love. You are withdrawing the illusion of control.

What are some of the biggest misconceptions women have about self-worth and relationships?

One of the biggest misconceptions is that self-worth is something another person can give us. Women often believe that being chosen, desired or committed to will finally make them feel secure. But when your worth depends on another person continually validating you, you never truly feel safe. You simply become dependent on the next piece of reassurance. Another misconception is that being a good partner means being endlessly understanding. Women can become so committed to seeing another person’s potential, wounds or good intentions that they stop acknowledging the reality of how the relationship feels.

You write about choosing peace over potential. Why is that such a difficult lesson for many women to embrace?

Potential is intoxicating because it allows us to remain attached to a future without fully confronting the present. Many women are not only attached to the person or situation in front of them. They are attached to who that person could become, what the relationship might eventually feel like, or the life they imagined building together. Letting go can feel like grieving something that never completely existed but felt emotionally real. Choosing peace over potential means evaluating your life through patterns rather than promises. It means asking whether you are in love with what is actually happening or with what you hope will happen.

How can women begin separating their identity from their relationships or external validation?

Begin by noticing how often you look outside yourself for information about who you are. Does somebody’s delayed reply make you feel unimportant? Does criticism make you question your entire identity? Does being desired make you feel valuable for a moment? These reactions are not reasons to shame yourself; they are clues showing you where your identity has become externally anchored. Then start creating evidence that you can belong to yourself. Keep small promises to yourself. Develop interests that have nothing to do with being admired. Spend time alone without treating solitude as a waiting room. Make decisions based on your values rather than the reaction you hope to receive. Identity is rebuilt through action. Every time you choose not to abandon yourself for approval, you strengthen it.

The book places a strong emphasis on nervous system regulation. Why is that an essential part of personal growth?

Because insight alone is not always enough. You may intellectually understand that a relationship is unhealthy or that somebody’s behaviour is not a reflection of your worth, yet your body can still experience uncertainty as danger. When the nervous system is activated, we become more likely to chase, catastrophize, overanalyze or seek immediate reassurance. This is why telling someone to “just let go” is rarely helpful. Before we can make a grounded decision, we often need to help the body feel safe enough to tolerate discomfort. Personal growth is not simply thinking better thoughts. It is increasing our capacity to remain present when life does not give us immediate certainty. Regulation creates the space between what happens and how we respond and that space is where our power lies.

What role has psychology played in shaping your work and the advice you share?

Psychology gave language and structure to many of the patterns I had observed in myself and other women. Concepts such as attachment, conditioning, emotional regulation and identity formation help explain why people can understand what is healthy and still feel compelled to repeat what is familiar. My background in personal development, alongside years of research which has deeply informed my work. Not to mention 1000s of women who I have spoken to or coached. At the same time, I always want to translate psychological ideas into something women can actually use in their lives. It is not enough to know the name of your attachment pattern. The more important question is: What do you do when you feel triggered on a Tuesday night and desperately want to send the message, demand an answer or make the discomfort disappear?

Throughout your own journey, what was the hardest thing you had to let go of?

I wasted a great deal of time believing that if I thought about something for long enough, anticipated every possible outcome or found exactly the right words, I could prevent disappointment. Control often disguises itself as responsibility, intelligence or preparation, so it can be difficult to recognise. The hardest thing was accepting that I could do everything “right” and still not control another person, an outcome or the timing of my life. Strangely, giving up that false control did not make my life smaller. It gave me the life I wanted because I was no longer using all of my energy attempting to manage what was never mine to manage.

How has hosting the Being Her podcast influenced your perspective on the challenges women are facing today?

The podcast has shown me how universal these experiences are. Women may appear to have entirely different lives, but so many are quietly asking the same questions: Am I enough? Am I asking for too much? How do I stop overthinking? How do I remain loving without losing myself? How do I build a meaningful life without becoming completely depleted? I also think modern women are carrying a particularly complicated emotional burden. We have more freedom and opportunity, but we are also expected to succeed professionally, maintain relationships, care for families, look a certain way, heal every wound and optimise every part of our lives. Being Her has made me realise that women do not need another impossible standard. They need tools that help them hear themselves again.

Social media often encourages constant self-improvement. How do you balance growth with self-acceptance?

There is a profound difference between saying, “I want to change because I am curious about who I could become,” and saying, “I must change because who I am now is unacceptable.” Social media can make life feel like a permanent renovation project. There is always another routine, body, mindset or identity to acquire. But self-acceptance is not complacency. It is the stable foundation from which genuine growth becomes possible. You are allowed to desire more for your life without making your current self the enemy. The goal is not to become so improved that you finally deserve peace. Peace must be available to you now.

What do you hope readers feel after finishing Unbothered: The Art of Letting Go to Find Yourself?

I hope they feel a sense of return. Not that they have become an entirely different woman, but that they have come back to the part of themselves that existed before they began contorting, proving, chasing and overexplaining. I want readers to feel lighter, clearer and less frightened by uncertainty. I want them to realise that losing an outcome is not the same as losing themselves. Most of all, I hope they understand that letting go is not a failure of love. Sometimes it is the most honest expression of self-respect.

How do you personally stay grounded while managing multiple businesses, content creation, and a growing platform?

And motherhood too. Which has been the biggest expansion truly. I stay grounded by remembering that urgency is not always importance. I have become much more selective about what deserves my energy. I no longer believe that every opportunity must be accepted simply because it is available. Practically, I rely on a strong team and clear priorities. But the deeper shift has been accepting that balance is not something I achieve perfectly every day. Some seasons require more from the business and others require more from my family or from me personally. Staying grounded means continually asking: Is the life behind the work still a life I actually want to be living? Success is not meaningful to me if I have to disappear from my own life to maintain it.