“FIRST OF ALL I FAINTED IN FRONT OF MIUCCIA PRADA, BUT I’LL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS…”
words by NIA TOPALOVA
editor MAREK BARTEK
“…I remember the whole day felt like a fever dream. It was February/March 2022 and I was standing in line to walk the show when I saw Anna Wintour walking up to Miuccia Prada sitting next to me. I was already incredibly nervous and getting hotter by the minute in this thick coat. The lights were so bright on me as I was about to walk one of the biggest shows in the world. Raf Simons tugged my clothes one final time and within seconds I was on the catwalk—the lights were even brighter and my mind was racing as I was trying to remember everything I was taught about how to walk on a runway. I walked the show, I didn’t fall, and suddenly the models around me were dancing and celebrating. Naturally, once the danger had passed, I fainted like it was a scheduled activity. When I woke up I saw Raf above me and people were getting me water. And then, there she was. Miuccia Prada, just sitting back in her chair, with her iconic look of “Every season we have at least one girl that goes blank.” — Nikita Vonk
images courtesy of PRADA
Models, we love them! Most of us probably dreamed of becoming one when we were grown up, until the harsh reality slapped us across our beautiful faces. Nikita Vonk and Nassia Matsa both shared their personal journey and realities of the modelling industry. “I once walked through one of the roughest areas of Paris at 2 AM because I couldn’t sleep. The next day they didn’t give me time to have a proper meal for 8+ hours so I protested by taking 7(!) apples. I also always flirt my way into at least one free drink or meal each fashion week. It’s tradition... I feel a sense of dread anytime I see a casting director with measuring tape in their hand, or anytime an agent has called me fat, undesirable, or unworthy of certain things. Maybe the worst part was when I started believing them." – Nikita Vonk
So, if you’re still dreaming, if your skin is thicker than Nikita’s coat and you’re not afraid of measuring tapes or stealing apples, then get ready. We’ll give you the insights you need to know about.
I wanted to start a conversation about our well-being in the industry, and I’d like to begin with one of my favourite topics – impostor syndrome – something most of us have most likely faced at some point in our careers.
“My first campaign was for Christian Louboutin. At the time I was still working at an office having a 9-5 job, and I kept asking myself, “Why did they choose me? I don’t get it.” Then a friend of mine gave me a valuable piece of advice: If you ever doubt yourself, think that if a mediocre man was in your shoes he would have never doubted his place.”
Ever wondered what a typical day in a model’s world looks like? Well, sometimes it can look like arriving at a massive studio in Paris, only to realise it’s less of a photo studio, more of a blockbuster film set. It was Nassia’s second time working with Balenciaga, and no one had given her much context about what they were doing. They started with the usual hair and makeup. The first part of the shoot involved standing in a room surrounded by over 300 cameras to capture 3D images of their bodies. As the day went on, it became clear that this wasn’t a typical fashion video. She eventually asked someone on the team what they were shooting, and was told quietly, “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re turning you into avatars for the new Balenciaga video game.” If you’d like to verify this statement, you can still play Balenciaga’s Afterworld as “Nassia,” a fighter character in gold knight boots, a red dress, and a NASA-collab backpack.
left image Nasia’s own
right image courtesy of BALENCIAGA
The unpredictability doesn’t stop here. Nikita shared about how common it is to get a call out of nowhere… say, Monday afternoon, and suddenly have to be in another country by nine the next morning. You cancel all your plans, shower, shave everything, pack, and wait for the agent to send you a plane ticket. “It’s thrilling, especially in the beginning. I loved having such calls and not knowing if I’d sleep in my own bed that night or end up in a hotel somewhere in Italy. But it’s also anxiety enduring, because if your shoot the next day doesn’t go well, or the client decides to cancel at the last minute, you can’t help but feel like you failed…”
Dating in the industry! Nikita describes it as “the one that got away” scenarios, and I couldn’t agree more. Ultimately, it always happens when you're in Paris. I, too, met the dreamiest Parisian guy with the most adorable accent I’ve ever heard. There was no time for a long coffee or a fancy dinner, because I only had a 20-minute break (before heading backstage of Iris van Herpen’s show), so instead, we just shared a delicious croissant and lived out the most romantic 20 minutes of your life.
“It’s like a summer fling you never got over, but constantly only having summer flings.”
image Nikita’s own during RAF SIMONS FW22
Not everything is just jokes, though. Anxiety, self-image and objectification is something we’re not going to kid about. But the question remains: Does modelling make it even harder to deal with, or is there a way to use it to your advantage, to then actually overcome it?
“…I didn’t conform to the beauty standards that I grew up with (blonde, super tall, super thin). I rejected them instead of going to that vicious circle of trying to fit in. As oxymoronic as it may sound, modelling helped me celebrate who I am, the way that I am. When the doubts were kicking in I remember saying to myself: If Prada wants me to be in their campaign, who am I to tell myself that I am not good enough?…”
“…Mental health is only supported when it’s pretty. That shouldn’t be surprising considering the industry is built on looks, but there’s no space here for the harsh realities of depression, PTSD, anxiety, autism, etc. A pretty girl crying? Yes. A bedrotting bulimic? Absolutely not…I’m always the #1 advocate for models: they’re not divas like you see on TV. Many times they endured the same thing as you, and are the only people you can rely on to explain the unspoken ways of the industry to you. ” — Nikita Vonk
“…reading Machiavelli sometimes helps to deal with those subtle dynamics.” – Nassia Matsa